There are no cupcakes on the Pain Train.

It's episode 60 time, and Tim, Parker, BM, NutZach, DD and Ashley (SV) are in the house turning on lights, pulling down the covers and generally serving up your weekly dose of hilarity. Mrs. Diaz made Turnip Soup cupcakes (don't miss the show video at turnipnetwork.com), and the mood is awesome as the group covers:

- Pet cleaning tips (read: dig at Tim's hairy clothes)
- Cell phone answering at work, including the now-famous meeting clip
- Non-stick chewing gum is on the rise
- Stripping rugby players
- Slummy tours in Rio de Janeiro
- Maids sleeping with up and coming young men
- Lying to the police is bad
- Scooping your way out of prison (mud walls help)
- Dog poop ruins your trip to the aquarium
- ...and a whole lot more.

Cheers.

Holy smokes.

The TS guys are back - bigger, badder and frost-brewed for that refreshing taste that just doesn't stop. Tim, BM, NutZach and Parker are joined by HuffDaddy for his first show, and the topics are like ketchup on a newspaper: awesome.

- Chilean towns give out free Viagra
- Text messaging can catch burglars
- The people of Lesbos are straight, and unhappy
- Does your truck have nads? Take 'em off, maybe..
- Ask her to prom, show your butt to do so
- Explain the urban dictionary phrase
- True or false? Guess what snopes says..
- ...and a bunch more.

Cheers.

Ouuuuucccchhhh!

That's right, folks, the TS gang is back and better than ever. This week, join Tim, Parker, BM, NutZach and Redneck James for almost two hours of fun - including one of the hardest laugh sessions in the history of the show.

You don't want to miss great topics like:

- Church that holds service in a bar
- Japanese high school pitcher gives up 66 runs in 1 1/3 innings
- How to commit seppuku
- The 'Drink 'em and Sink 'em' recap
- Mascot tackling
- Some awesome Napoleon Dynamite jazz
- Another round of 'Name That Artist'
- ...and more.

Booyall.

The rumors are true. In this week's serving of Turnip Soup, Tim is joined by BM and Jackie for a very serious conversation: Dungeons and Dragons. That's right, it turns out that Tim played D&D in high school, and he bares it all during the show. Don't miss hearing Bryan's eyes roll up into his head, and Jackie's delightful laughter as Tim's inner nerd comes up for air. But don't let that deter you, as the three of them do an excellent job of bringing us a show complete with several other rip-roaring, ear-splitting, pant-splitting topics (including): - Great work cliches - Fascinating D&D stories - Carmen San Diego - A new ode to Parker's nose - Songs featuring T-Pain - A few exciting Academy stories - Details about this week's walk for Leo - and much, much more. Rock.

He's the one that makes you feel alright. The guys are back with a super full house, a topics list that won't quit, and more laughs than Carter has liver pills. That's right - get ready to join Tim, Parker, BM, NutZach, DD and Mrs. Diaz for another loaded episode of TS. Including: - Zach's birthday - Birthday cards: how long do you keep them? - Appropriate gifts: what's funny? - Mrs. Diaz with sports - Dr. Feelgood: representing the MLB in drug use cases - Golf announcers, and how awesome they are - Strange in-show phone calls - Our first game of "Name that Artist" - Upcoming Turnip Soup events - ...and a bunch more. Enjoy, Turnip Soup Mafia members. We love doing this even more than you love listening to us do this.

It's week two of awesome month. Redneck James is back, and he joins Parker, BM and Tim for an excellentish evening of fun, gamesmanship and general tomfoolery. NutZach is supporting the San Diego Padres, but the band plays on. You don't want to miss any of the following: - Man raped by wombat; learns Australian - Marmots, wombats, and the English link - Chair Force speak - "Bring the rain" - The origin of everything, "Back in the medieval days.." - Professor Bryan - April Fools jokes - Long shirt sleeves - Dining with midget co-workers - Women break jeeps - Mrs. Diaz, and the hawk attack Enjoy the show, friends. EMAIL US: turnipsoup@turnipnetwork.com or CALL OUR VOICEMAIL: 619 / 377-0549

We are SO glad to be back. The original four join up to bring you the first show in two weeks. Join Tim, Parker, BM, and NutZach for an absolutely fantastical time, an unrelenting amount of relevant discussion, and oodles of noodles, poodles and toaster strudels. Tim and Parker were off in New York for the last two weeks, so the show took a short break. Now that the break's over, it's down to business. Listen in for: - T&P's New York recap - The hamster dance - Parker's eating habits - The wonderment of Purrell - Time at the Academy - The fall of Governor Spitzer - What bowling in Chile must be like - ..and even more Tell a friend, and we promise to treat them well.